Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Say something about gay babies.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
