oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
