What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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