She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
