3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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