I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
