i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
