I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
