meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
