I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
