Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
