what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
