I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
is wine microwaveable?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
