I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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