if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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