he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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