I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
