Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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