Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
