so that wasnt chicken after all
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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