someone owes me an orgasm
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
