we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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