guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
