How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
