i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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