We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize