I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
