My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You were trust falling into bushes
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
