cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
