she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
