My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
