I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
