careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
