so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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