Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
