u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
