He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
