you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
