I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
