i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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