I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
