why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
