I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
