I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
