You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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