Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
