i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
