Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
