Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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