Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
