sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
