It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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