I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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