I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
