no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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