Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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