doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
