I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize