tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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