I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
