Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize