Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
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