Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
