I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
